Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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