I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
