So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
