In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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