i need an iv and a liver transplant
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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