Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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