I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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