so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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