i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
