Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
