She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
