Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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