i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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