Your tits are I can't wait for
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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