I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
