You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
