Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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