I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
