1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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