It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
