Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
