once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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