I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
