So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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