i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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