I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
