I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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