mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
