around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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