Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
