I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I understand Curling. That high.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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