Too much gin, very little bucket
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
