i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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