Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sobbing to NWA
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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