Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
