Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
