you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
