so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
