I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
