just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
