is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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