so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
