So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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