the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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