I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
