I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
