I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
