Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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