Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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