capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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