handjob tips. give me some.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
