super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
