NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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