Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
