Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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