The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
