sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
