Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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