how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
